Now that my sweet little Victoria is a year old, I can't help but look back on my first year as a mother and reflect. As I was preparing to be a mother I was searching for advice and once I was a mother I searched even harder! But most people gave me the same advice that went something like: "Spend as much time as you can with your baby; you will never regret it." But I wanted something more practical so I'm writing this for all my friends who are yet to have children. I hope this helps!
Now I want to elaborate on the beforementioned advice. I do agree with it totally! I needed this advice and I think all new mothers do. I don't think I totally understood at the time what exactly the advice entailed. Sometimes spending time with your child means leaving your completed washed clothes in the washing machine...wet! (At least when you live in England and have to hang your clothes instead of simply throwing them in the dryer). Sometimes this means serving up something simple or even take out to guests! And sometimes this means (dare I say it) having a messy home when guests come over (or at least your husband would have wished you left it dirty because you instead barked orders at him as you two cleaned it in a rush)!!! If I would have seen this before I had Victoria I would simply have thought, with good time management one can clean and spend time with their children. Which may be true, but what about time in the Word? Once you commit to read your Bible during your child's nap, and spend most of the morning making breakfast and cleaning up after breakfast and sweeping your seemingly always dirty floors you are left with little time before it's time to make lunch and dinner, and before you know it your day is over. As Dr. Halstead, a Master's College professor, used to always tell me "you can only do your best with the time you have," and in short, one does not have enough time to read their Bibles, clean, cook, and spend time with their children; sometimes things do not get done efficiently. My point is, spending time with your child may be more difficult than it seems, but it's soooo worth it.
The next thing I learned from Laurie, my sweet neighbor in California. Which is somewhat ironic in that it mostly blessed my English neighbor Peggy. Lori told me if you let others hold your baby it makes them enjoy them more and in turn helps your baby enjoy others more (or something like that). I certainly was not the epitome of this point, in that, I was scared others would drop Victoria and I honestly missed her when others were holding her. But Drew and I did try to carry this out and it has worked! This is mostly on my mind, being my neighbor here in England just died, leaving us all broken hearted. But even though we had only lived next to her for 4 short months Victoria and Peggy had formed a strong friendship. After small talk in the walkways, Peggy asked us to come visit her every day, and we did. During that time Victoria's sweet personality brought so much joy to Peggy that we were both mutually blessed. Besides Peggy, Victoria's charms seem to catch the eye of many a stranger here in England who, after noticing her, noticed Drew and me (who were normally lost or in need of some other assistance)! Victoria would not have this charm if we would not have allowed her to be comfortable with strangers. So teach your child to love others from the beginning, which is the second greatest commandment after all. I know many children just want their mothers all the time, which is okay, but if your child will go with others allow them to. Victoria is probably just an outgoing girl, but I'm so thankful I did allow others to hold her in the beginning because inside I didn't really want to, but it has come back to bless our family.
Next point is concerning waking up in the middle of the night. Drew and I were committed to allowing Victoria to "cry it out" in the early stages of sleep training (this is not advised as a newborn, at that age if they cry they need you) and she became a very good sleeper. But once she got a bit older if something would wake her up, I'd run in delighted to get to spend some more time with my sweet baby. I'd maybe read her a book, put on a show for us to watch as we snuggled or call the grandmas on Skype. I saw these times as rare treats! But after the after-hours fun came about 15 minutes of crying once I put her back to bed, which broke my heart (and sometimes lead to me getting her again, which made things even worse!). I would now advise parents in this situation to simply go into your child's room, check on them, give them a quick hug and leave, not allowing your emotions to get the better of you and thinking about what's best for your child and not what's best for you (which is a really good point in itself). The latter option will probably get 1 minute of crying and back to sleep.
I have to admit that raising Victoria this first year was very easy. Breastfeeding was difficult, but having the best daddy there to help me, and many gifts from friends and family, things seems to come together nicely. In addition Victoria was a very easy baby (what awaits me next????!!!) so I would not consider myself a professional quite yet. But I want to add a couple more tidbits of advice about traveling with babies. Because I have travelled A LOT with Victoria, I'd consider myself somewhat seasoned in this area. Drew and I counted up that Victoria has been in 15 different airports in her short life! So here are my tips! Hope they help!
-Dress your child in light PJ's. These allow your child to be comfortable, which is very important! Also the temperature is somewhat uncertain on an airplane and with the PJs your child is warm enough with long sleeves and pants and cool enough without heavy jeans or sweaters.
-Dress your child very cute! The stewardesses normally fall in love with Victoria which is really helpful because on a long flight they are most certainly my ally. I normally put a cute bow on her or some other cute accessory. I was going to make a shirt for Victoria this last trip that read "Going home to see my grandmas for Christmas." I know something like this would have left the stewardesses as putty in my hands! I'm thinking of my friends Melissa who is going to adopt from Africa soon. If that sweet girl has a shirt that reads "Just adopted!" I know everyone would just love to celebrate with you on the plane. Having a baby while travelling can be very helpful. People love to help people with babies! And even the customs workers seem to soften if you have a baby! On our last trip home the man at customs stamped Victoria's build-a-bear pawsport for her bear! He was happy to do so!
-Call ahead and see what the airline can do for you. Normally they can provide you a cot to hook to the wall for the baby to sleep in during the flight (a lifesaver) and baby food, but you can't get either if you don't call ahead. Most airlines allow a free stroller (or buggy as many internet sights will read) for children flying but the child's baggage allowance seems to change depending on the airlines. We have had none, to 20lbs, to a full bag! And all of these baggage allowances were not on the airlines' webpages, so you have to call and ask. (I'm talking here about a child under 2, flying for free domestically and for 10% internationally, which is the normal amount). If you are like me you like to fly cheap or you HAVE to fly cheap if you want to fly at all! ;) But Lufthansa is a great airline for people with children. I read that from friends of ours who are Americans living in Jordan, but after flying with them I am completely convinced. They cost more but are worth every penny!
-Try to arrive at your destination in the afternoon. After many layovers, when we finally arrived here in England for the first time, though we were beyond tired, we still wanted to visit a bit before going to sleep. This was difficult with it being so late at night. :( And then our last trip home to England put us here in the morning and no matter how much we tried, we could not keep ourselves awake past 5pm and thus our sleep schedule is nuts. Arriving in the afternoon gives you some time to visit and then go to bed at a reasonable time.
-Pick a seat by the window. I always picked a seat by the aisle so that if I had to change Victoria's diaper I could move out without disturbing anyone. But this last time I was forced to sit by the window and loved it! It was nice being able to breastfeed with a little more privacy! And it was nice not having to move for others needing the restroom once Victoria feel asleep.
-Wear a tanktop under your shirt so that you don't have to show more then necessary while breastfeeding. Lifting up your shirt to breastfeed can leave your back and some of your stomach exposed. A tanktop covers everything not in use! Also if you get your shirt dirty (and with children it always happens) and can just take it off. Also wear a large sweater that wraps around you. I love these sweaters! If I have Victoria in a carrying device on my chest I simply wrap the sweater around both of us to keep us warm while going to and from the airport. This even works in the cold winter months of Colorado and Birmingham England but when we went to Iceland I did cover Victoria up quite a bit more.
-Breastfeeding or letting your baby snack during takeoff and landing is a good way to help their ears not to hurt. Thankfully Victoria has never had this problem!
-Organize your diaper bag in a way that makes things accessible quickly. Don't bring too many things as this makes searching through your diaper bag really annoying! I'd bring:
*Extra PJs
*About 6 diapers for the flight and wipes
*Some staple small toys (Victoria likes toys to chew on and books)
*A new really fun toy (noise is not an issue, planes are very loud and the toys' noise won't bother anyone)
*2 bibs and baby food including lots of snacks
*And an ipod with lots of games and movies (if you have one!:)
If anyone has any other tips please comment. I hope this blog post is a blessing! And thank you to everyone who has blessed Drew and me our first years as parents.
PS Here are some items that really came in handy. I'd recommend all these items to new mothers.
*A bib that wipes clean. Washing 3 bibs a day gets old!
*A mesh snacker that allows you to put food inside it and gives your baby the fun of sucking on something but keeps the seeds away. Check it out on Amazon
here.
*Video monitor. Love it! I love looking at my sweet little girl and knowing she is still there and no one has taken her (do I worry too much?? :)
*breast pump. If you are going to breastfeed this really REALLY comes in handy!
